Maelstrom
by Awinters25 - TeamAngst
Summary: Solona Amell foolishly gave away her heart to the one man who could break it. What she doesn't expect is to find acceptance and understanding in a Templar. Rated M for angst.


**A/N:** Thank the Maker it's done! This was a labor of love (and angst) for me and I'm so happy with the way it turned out. I'm shaking right now from the roller-coaster of emotions I had while writing this and I hope it brings the same out of all of you. There is a 'sequel' one shot of sorts to this called "Blood Sacrifice" that is written from Teagan's POV of the blood sacrifice Jowan performs during the Redcliffe Questline. (I actually wrote it first!) Amell is a side character in it, but I loved her so much while writing _that_ that I had to give her a one shot of her own! I hope this explains her coldness towards Jowan. Thanks for reading!

* * *

"I met someone."

Those three simple words burned me worse than any flame spell could. My heart clenched tightly in my chest, my breath coming in short bursts and numbness taking over any other feeling I might have been capable of. What the _fuck? _How could something hurt so much? This was what Anders had tried to warn me against. _Don't fall in love_, he'd said. _It'll only lead to heartbreak and death._

I was oddly thankful that my bunk was directly behind me when I nearly collapsed in my shock. Jowan reached out to catch me, but I shrugged out of his reach. I sank into the stiff mattress, my knees trembling. His gray eyes watched me closely, concern evident on his face. He must have expected me to scream, to punch him or do something just as drastic. Not knowing what to do with his hands since I rejected his help, he clenched them in front of his body.

"Solona? Are you alright?" He asked, worry and perhaps a bit of fear coloring his tone.

"_Where_ in the name of Andraste did you find someone to _meet_ in this horrid place?" I whispered, turning from his probing gaze. I blinked back the tears I could feel threatening to spill. I wouldn't cry in front of him. I wasn't _weak_. I was a powerful mage. I was stronger than this. I was stronger than _him_.

Jowan hesitated.

Knowing I wouldn't like his response, I never did when he wasn't willing to speak to me, I gripped my apprentice robes between cold fingers. Twisting the fabric repeatedly, I tried to get my breathing under control and find some courage within my pained soul. How was it possible for him to hurt me like this?

"It doesn't matter who she is, So." Jowan said softly. "Please just be _happy_ for me."

The tears betrayed me. The hot wetness was a surprise at first and I tucked my chin to my sternum to try to hide them from Jowan. He wasn't fooled. I flinched when his rough fingers gripped my chin before forcing me to look at him. His light eyes shone with his own tears, though they hadn't fallen. Pain and regret filled his face and I knew I hurt him just as much as he hurt me a few moments before. I bit my lip and warily met his gaze.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know." Jowan said, his voice barely a whisper as he stared at me. "I _swear_ I didn't know, Solona."

Swallowing past the lump that had formed in my throat, I reached up to grip his wrist before pushing him away. "Don't _touch_ me." My voice came out low, nearly a growl, full of anger and resentment. Jowan yanked his hand back as if my attitude scorched him. "Don't _ever _touch me."

Jowan shook his head. His dark hair brushed his shoulders and images of me running my hands through the silky locks filled my mind. Jowan had been my first kiss, the one I'd lost my virginity to, but to him, I was always his best _friend_. I would never get passed that boundary and into the realm of a relationship. Yes, in Kinloch Hold, relationships were impossible. The Templars took what they wanted wherever the need arose and no one was safe. Mages, male and female, human and elf, were fair game to the Chantry soldiers and it meant a lot to be able to give away something as important as your virginity to someone you truly cared for. Anders had warned us about what happened to the other mages. Jowan and I had agreed that it would be each other and no one else. Now I was drowning in my feelings for him and it was literally killing me.

"Solona, don't do this." Jowan pleaded. He took a step towards me, but I quickly stood and moved out of his reach. If he touched me again, I would kill him.

"You got what you wanted, Jowan." I snapped at him, turning away to leave the dormitory. "Leave me alone."

He didn't stop me as I walked out, not that I wanted him to. If he tried, I might have lashed out and then where would we be? Dead with an army of Templars hovering over our bodies? Probably. Even if it was another mage I attacked, the Chantry would never stand for me using my powers outside of instruction. I would be immediately killed and Anders would be completely friendless.

As I rushed down the cold, dark hallways of the Tower, brushing the stream of hot tears from my face, I imagined opening up my power and freezing Jowan where he stood before sending a stonefist to shatter his body. Just like how he had shattered my heart. My breath stuttered as my quick steps sent my heart thudding in my chest. My hands gripped tightly to my hair and I had to stop myself from pulling the strands out by the root. The sound of my robes swishing and my cloth boots softly touching the stone floor at every step were the only noises around me. As I turned the corner where I knew the library stood, the unmistakeable clanging of metal armor made me pause. Fear thrummed through my blood at the thought of a Templar catching me out of bed at this time of night.

Ducking behind a bookcase, I pressed my back up against the shelves, holding my breath and willing the Templar to pass by. Shadows hid me well, but I was no rogue. I couldn't blend into the darkness around me and one movement, one breath could give away my position.

_Stupid. _I chastised myself mentally. _Stupid, stupid girl. This is where you'll die. All because you let a man break your heart and foolishly ran off._

The metal rubbing against metal stopped a few seconds later and with relief, I released my breath. My heart still thundered dangerously loud in my chest, but for the moment, the danger had passed.

_That was too close._

I smoothed my navy robes before pulling my body away from the bookcase. With a small sigh, I turned and began to walk back towards the hall. That's when I saw him.

The Templar stood where I'd been moments before, his arms crossed in front of his breastplate, engraved with the large flaming sword that represented their order. He was young, perhaps not much older than I was, with short curling strawberry blond hair that almost looked red in the low lighting. A light dusting of hair ran along his jaw and piercing eyes gazed at me. He was so evidently different from Jowan that I couldn't help but appreciate his looks.

"What are you doing out of bed at this hour?" The Templar asked, a frown on his face. It was then that I remembered what he was and his duty. He was going to punish me for this. I _knew_ it.

"I-I'm sorry. I was upset and couldn't-" I paused and closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts. My face was undoubtedly red from crying, my hair a disheveled mess from running my hands through it yet despite all of this, I pushed on. _No, do __**not**__ be afraid of this man, So_. I told myself sternly. _If he's going to hurt me, then I'll make it hard for him_. Opening my hazel eyes and slanting them in his direction, I spoke with more force behind my words than I had before. "I will not submit to you, Templar."

The man's eyebrows came up at my statement. "Pardon?"

I didn't move, my arms still crossed at my chest. I wouldn't give him a reason to pull his sword on me. He'd have to make the first move. "If you want to kill me, I'll fight. I won't go down without one."

Now his brow creased with worry. "K-kill you? Why would I do that?"

With a sneer, I continued speaking. "Isn't that what your kind _do_? Kill mages?"

With a shake of his head and confusion clear on his handsome face, the Templar's arms fell to his side harmlessly. "I don't intend to harm you, my lady. I was merely asking a question."

The title was like a knife to the chest. A pained gasp escaped my lips and, turning away, I couldn't stop the sting of tears that appeared again. Andraste's tits, I _hated_ crying. My hands clutched the front of my robe as if that alone could stop the tearing in my heart. _Lady._ I could have been one if magic hadn't destroyed my life. The Amell line was cursed with mages and me, my siblings, my cousins... we were all born with magic and now here I was, as far from my family as a girl could possibly be, with a man who didn't love her and soldiers who were ready to kill her at the slightest provocation. I tried to calm my breathing, which was coming in fast, short gasps, but nothing would stop the overwhelming anxiety that accosted me.

I could hear the Templar move closer and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to ignore the desperation that pulsed in my body. I wanted to run, to escape this man who could take away my magic without touching me, who could cut me down with that greatsword on his back, who didn't need an excuse to hurt me other than the fact that I was a mage. His presence beside me was overwhelming to say the least. He'd recently consumed lyrium. It buzzed against my skin as we stood side by side and I had to fight the need to reach out and take it for myself.

I froze, terrified, as a gauntlet brushed the wetness from my cheeks. The metal was cold and scratched my skin, but he wasn't deterred by my body's sudden reaction. He wiped both sides of my face clean of tears before dropping his hand. That was when I opened my eyes.

Turning my head so I could see his face, I noticed the heartbroken expression he wore. I wasn't entirely certain if it was due to my sadness or the fact that I'd practically called him a coldblooded murderer. Either way, as if I didn't hurt enough, I felt my heart shatter all over again at the pain I caused this young man, a _Templar_ no less. I didn't know how long I stared at him, as he watched me, but after what felt like a thousand years, I blinked. The tears had stopped, thankfully, and clearing my throat, I tried to speak.

"What's your name?" I asked, my voice hoarse and scratchy from crying.

A small smile flitted across his features. "Ser Cullen."

I tried to smile back, but all I could muster was something that probably looked deranged. "Thank you for being so kind, Ser Cullen. I appreciate it." I took a deep breath before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his exposed cheek. He blushed profusely at the contact. "I'll see myself back to the dorms."

I brushed past him and headed for the hallway that would lead me back to where my bunk waited. Where Jowan waited. The thought of seeing him again twisted my stomach into knots, but I bite my lip and fought it. I would not falter. I was about to walk over the threshold and out of the library when I heard the Templar, _Cullen_, speak up from behind me.

"May I get your name, my lady?"

The formality made my heart flip flop this time. It was strange how quickly my feelings could change. I was like a tempest, a maelstrom, always changing yet never the same. With a smile in place, a _real _smile, I glanced over my shoulder at the handsome Templar who had shown me kindness in my darkest hour.

"My name is Solona. Solona Amell."

A grin spread across his face at my response. With a small bow, the smile never leaving him, he said, "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Amell."

"The pleasure is all mine, Ser Cullen."

I retreated from the library and as my footsteps echoed down the quiet halls, my smile was a permanent fixture. Maybe there was hope for me after all.


End file.
